Mea culpa. Today I indulged in gossip. I talked about other people. It felt good. I felt a stronger connection with the people I was gossiping with. I tried my best to limit to praise gossip (which apparently reflects a self-improvement mindset) but also indulged in some negative gossip (which apparently boosts one’s sense of pride).

The filter I started implementing since my college years was to imagine the person whom I’m about to speak is actually in front of me listening to what I’m about to say, and I try to close the mismatch as much as possible. Whenever that mismatch is wide, I plan in my head a way to talk with that person to repeat what I said. An effort to beat karma before she gets me.

The thing that I’ve noticed is that when speaking my mind to the individual in question, they may feel initially disappointed or distraught, but never defensive nor triggered. In fact, they may welcome the freshness of being direct and frank. Something about the vulnerability of honesty that reveals my human condition. As if by speaking my mind I am asking for forgiveness for my transgression. Oftentimes, they do. And that is a beautiful thing.

Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

Eleanor Roosevelt

It is hard to live up to Eleanor Roosevelt’s dictum (Sidenote: has anybody noted that Eleanor was discussing people?). To talk about people is human nature. It serves an evolutionary purpose. It helps modulate the reputation of individuals, especially those who try to cheat.

So how does one approach the temptation to speak about people? I have a simple rule: praise in public, criticize in private. Practice positive gossip: praise them behind their backs. And while you are at it, tell them in person before they go.

All things considered, what you see in others is oftentimes a mirror into yourself. Our minds can only see what they are trained to see. “If everywhere you go smells like shit, maybe it is time to check your shoes.” Reality can be experienced from multiple perspectives. What you see in others is what you see in yourself.

The problem with engaging with gossipies is that one catches their mental habits, very much like catching a cold.

How does one deal with gossip in the workplace? You simply listen, and do not actively participate. The thing about gossip is that once you talk behind someone’s back, you are advertising to your “friends” that you might also give them the same treatment. Every time you gossip, you are submitting a vote to a type of person whose integrity and trustworthiness is suspect. The quality of your relationships starts to corrode.

What is astonishing is that people are never aware of this. They are unaware they are carrying a glaring advertisement of untrustworthiness and cowardice, to put it bluntly. What might they say about me when I’m not in the room?

So how does one vents things out from one’s system? After all, burying negative emotions deep down only makes things worse. It turns the gossip into resentment bile, which then poisons your soul. There are three solutions I can think of: 1) therapy, 2) a diary or journal, and 3) intense exercise. The trick is to find a channel that does not jeopardizes your integrity. Integrity is, after all, saying the same thing to someone’s face and to your friends when that person leave the room. If there is a real mismatch, then what does that say about you?

Today I spent about half an hour talking to a close relative over the phone. It was the best part of the day. And what a day! Today I witnessed the sunrise behind the Arizona mountains and stood up to my principles at work. No matter how busy life may get, always make time for family. It makes everything worthwhile.

Leadership is one of those overused words that, like “freedom” and “neoliberalism”, has lost its meaning. The moment any of these words are uttered in the room, all the intellectual oxygen is consumed. And let’s not even discuss its darker German translation, Führing and Führer.

Perhaps we need to come up with new words that exclude certain type of leaders: the mob-boss, the tyrant, the kingpin. Leadership can emerge from the very bottom. It is not a function of power.

Today’s experience at work made me reflect on what makes a good leader:

• A leader communicates clearly with every single person in their team, making sure everyone is in the same page
• By the same token, a leader does not create gossip by talking negatively about someone behind their backs
• A leader has the courage to have hard conversations with all players
• A leader practices non-violent communication
• A leader sees the better angels of their teamplayers
• A leader establishes a mission and lets team players work on what they are best suited for (often it is what they are passionate about). 
• A leader places their team first, taking the blame for mistakes.

Yesterday I did a daytrip to New York City to join a dear friend’s birthday party. I managed to squeeze into my schedule a pilgrimage to The Strand. Any trip to New York without going to the Strand, the Rose Reading Room at the New York Public Library, or The Met is a wasted trip.

I recently noted that navigating the stacks of used books requires a different frame of mind than when one is inside the bookstore, where everything is organized by subject. For used books, one has to open up their mind to discover new things. Judgement and discernment must be dialed down to allow discovery and serendipity. Give each book a chance. When one is in a bookstore, one explores with increased focused and discrimination. One is interested for a specific book, author, or subject.

The used books section was endlessly intriguing. After tinkering titles for a while, I settled for two gems: Walter Isaacson’s Biography of Benjamin Franklin and the Random House Dictionary of the English Language for $10. The former was on my wish list for a while now, a long overdue reading since I moved to Philadelphia in 2019 to attend the University of Pennsylvania, one of Franklin’s institutional legacies.
The other is more of an essential item to have for anyone learning any language. The peripheral learning one gets from reading neighboring entries is similar to that of discovering new books when perusing the book-stacks. Modern technology simply cannot reproduce this experience.

I looked like a casual chic girl carrying a brick and an adobe block in the streets of New York. It was pure bliss.

This is another aphorism attributed to Benjamin Franklin engraved on one of the many stone slabs you find around Penn’s walkways. This one caught my attention this morning.

It is true. I would argue, though, that haste has its place within the careful, deliberate, well-thought processes. Of course one needs to plan things ahead, slow down, and be methodical. This is what Daniel Kahneman calls “system 2 thinking”. Sometimes, though, too much planning, too much carefulness, becomes a default mode of thinking. The end result is paralysis, for action demands to stop thinking.

The rough first draft is going to look like a vomit of ideas. At least it came to existence. The first dance class will make you look like a fool, but at least you had the courage to take it. The multiple short emails you sent before heading to spin class? At least you communicated back, if only to say “I will elaborate more later”.

The difference between doing nothing and doing something is infinite. If you are not in a rush, you think time is in your side. It is not.

Haste makes waste, yes. What is missing is that waste can then be transformed, refined, and polished. So go ahead, create that waste, quickly.

There are days where going to work feels like a drudgery. I never understood why being physically present is more important than getting things done. The pandemic proved that norm inherited from the Industrial Revolution wrong. I wish, however, that the changes in the norms of work would not limit to space (where you work), but also in time (when you work). Flow does not care about your 9-5 schedule.

Today is one of those days. I felt drained this morning. I did not want to go to work. Part of it is, I think, to avoid interacting with people that drain energy, which then has an effect on long-term well-being, which then impacts performance and ability to help others. So, I decided to take the morning off. Not to rest or do nothing, but to do house chores instead. I know, it is not a break, but it is something. I know the guilt will make me work over the weekend to catch up. And that should be normalized. What matters more is the value you create, not the hours you are in the office.

And we haven’t elaborated on the value of doing nothing. Creative ideas emerge from boredom. Sometimes doing nothing is the most productive thing you can do.